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The 7 Kinds of Drunk Everyone Regrets Being

The 7 Kinds of Drunk Everyone Regrets Being

They call it liquid courage, but it’s usually more like liquid idiot.

Don’t get me wrong, drinking can be very helpful. You won’t catch me on a first date without an overflowing wine glass, which has upsides and downsides: The wine doesn’t necessarily stop me from mentioning that I have questions about the girl I saw in all of his Facebook pictures I found online before going on our date, but it makes me care less that I’ve said it.

When I get drunk I go one of two ways: I either do a lot of weird, squinty smiles and keep saying “I’m drunk” to anyone who has not asked me, or I get very quiet and strange, and move so slowly that people think I’m fresh from intense dental surgery. Once I get home, I can be found lying on my floor, crying to an Adele song. I’m quite happy with my drunken mannerisms. Someone coming away from meeting me drunk and thinking that I’m a little weird is much preferred over people talking about the way my boobs looked when I flashed them all night (thankfully, I don’t do that).

But not everyone is as fortunately inhibited a drunk as me. Some people really let their demons out when they’re on the juice. A pattern forms, a reputation is created, photos are uploaded. Here’s a guide to some of the most common kinds of drunks — and how to avoid becoming one:

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